Hey there! I’m comin’ at you with a birthday tradition that is over half a year late. My bad. Life is crazy. But we’re here now!
I’ve found that these have been some of my most enjoyed posts in the past. Maybe it’s because we all like to take a moment to breathe; maybe it’s because we’re all kind of looking for guidance, especially in crazy times like these (myself included); maybe it’s because things like this remind us that there is good in our lives, even in the bad. I don’t know. Regardless, I love seeing and reading people’s reactions to these. I hope you enjoy this one just as much. :) (If you haven’t seen the one from last year, I’ll link it right here.)
Anyhoo…I’ve been 21 for nearly seven months now, so here we finally go!
21) Hygge is the best. Hygge is a Norwegian word/cultural tradition, defined as “a quality of coziness and comfortable conviviality that engenders a feeling of contentment or well-being.” Basically, it’s anything and everything that comforts you, or gives a sense of coziness. Fuzzy blankets. Board games. Warm beverages. Baked goods. When you’re bingeing Friends for the 18th time, that’s hygge. When you’re chilling with a cup of chai and re-reading a Brittany Cavallaro book, that’s hygge, too. Days are incredibly rough sometimes, and our bodies and minds can really take a beating from what life throws at us. We deserve time to relax; we deserve to listen to what we need. Take that time.
20) Travel is its own reward. I haven’t been able to travel as much as I would like to (hence the fernweh ;) ), but I’ve been enough places to know this to be true. England. France. Wyoming. Colorado. Texas. DC. Even road trips throughout Nebraska or visiting new neighborhoods in NYC. Each one has given me new experiences, new ideas, new memories, a new fondness for something I didn’t realize I had. Travel opens your mind; it creates a stronger, well-rounded human being. There’s no way to help that: meeting others and experiencing their culture gives us greater empathy and an educated soul. Plus, it’s fun! I mean, come on, who doesn’t want to walk along the Rhine, get lost amongst the stalls in the Grand Bazaar, snorkel with the fish of Australia, or hike Yosemite National Park? So many places to see, so little time!
19) Find your rhythms. This sounds like something straight out of a self-help book, but there’s a reason it’s in there. Identifying and honoring your rhythms is incredibly important. This can be anything from establishing a morning routine (Tea. Immediately.) to knowing what calms your mind during a panic attack. Rhythms help save our sanity: I know that I have to have a podcast on or music playing while I do my make-up routine, for instance, because I know I’ll get too deep into my thoughts otherwise. I also know what works when my brain starts spiraling, or what words calm my best friends, or what coffeehouse is the best to work at. Each one of those helps our brain function, and, ultimately, leads us to knowing and realizing our own individual path (more on that later).
18) Take pride in what you love. God, it sounds so commonsense-y, doesn’t it? Like, duh, Rhiannon. I love the thing; of course I’m going to talk about it. But let me tell you, I still deeply struggle with this, and I’ve met many a person who does, too. I’m a nerd: that part I’ll own up to immediately. I’m not necessarily the “cool nerd,” though. I’ve never been to a convention, I’m not a cosplayer and never will be, I don’t run a cool Tumblr, I can’t draw fanart, and I don’t have the loud extroversion that some people are blessed with. No, I nerd out about analysis (novels, film, theatre, television, game design, paintings, all that jazz), and history, and anthropology, and gender studies, and quirky self-improvement stuff. I love talking about it, yet I still feel immediately embarrassed when I bring it up/start rambling in front of people I don’t know very well. This feeling of stupidity or guilt for wasting people’s time starts to come over me. Rationally, I know that it makes literally zero sense. It’s still a struggle, though, even if I’ve started getting much better at it. I don’t have a lot of advice on this one: just, for the love of everything good in this world, let yourself be proud of what you love. You deserve it. (And hey, if no one else wants to listen, I so will. I love hearing about what people are passionate about!)
17) Learn yourself the way you would a best friend. This guy is twofold: A) be kind to yourself, and B) know that you are continuously growing. You will never know every single thing about yourself, because human beings are not static. We are always moving and discovering and improving. Treat that the way you would someone you love dearly. Be kind, and be open. Follow that new discovery as if your best friend had just told you they got into grad school, or are going to be a parent, or got that badass new job, or are moving to the place they’ve always wanted to go: that’s exciting stuff, right? Well, so are you. So are we all. :)
16) Don’t fear the questions. 16 connects to 17, in a way. Let yourself ask all the questions. I used to be so fearful of this. Not in the academic sense: I’ve always been inquisitive there, and was (and still am) that kid raising her hand every two seconds. What I used to really fear is asking questions of myself and of the authority surrounding me. I grew up thinking, for whatever reason, that life is linear, that we have to do this specific thing at this specific time (more on that later). I somehow found myself believing that straying from the path you originally chose is wrong. But here’s the thing: there isn’t really a “wrong” way to live life. Ask questions about yourself. Figure out what truly makes you happy, what you’re good at, what you love. It’s okay if it changes. Also, on the authority bit: I’ve had a few painful run-ins that taught me that authority doesn’t necessarily always know what’s right. Be respectful, but don’t be afraid to question. It’s healthy for both.
15) Creation is true chicken soup for the soul. Since I’m a creative, this may sound biased. It is a little. But it’s still so, so applicable. Just make something. Create. It doesn’t have to be good, it just has to feel good. I mean, god, how many times has relief come out in the form of a cake, a journal entry, a watercolor, a mosaic, a garden, a DIY ring, or anything like it? Creating is emoting. It lets us express things that we can’t otherwise. We each have a spark of creation inside us (cue Children of Eden), and it’s meant to be used. Sing. Build. Dance. Knit. Do metallurgy, if that’s your thing. It helps. It’s thrilling. And it doesn’t have to “good,” whatever that is. Just create.
14) Learn something every day. Disclaimer: this does not mean “be productive every day,” as I’m not into the shaming mentality. We need to rest at some point, after all. What I do mean is that there are ways to teach ourselves something every day. It could be as simple as listening to a ten-minute podcast or trying that new French toast recipe; it could be as complex as reading a thesis or teaching yourself to water ski. It doesn’t matter, as each improves and opens our mind. Each is good. And if you learn something, just one thing, every day, then you feel so good about yourself at the end of it. I know I do. Plus, if you’re ever beating yourself up about “wasting the day” (hello, me), you can remind yourself that no, you didn’t. You learned something, damn it. And that’s good enough.
13) Don’t let yourself settle. Do not let yourself settle for less than you deserve. I could get much deeper than that, but I more so just want to get this through your mind: you deserve. You deserve respect. You deserve love. You deserve to be happy. You deserve to feel worthy. If there is a situation in your life that is deterring you from that, don’t settle for it. And if you can’t figure out how to solve the problem, ask for help. On the other hand: comfort is good; contentment is fantastic. Don’t let yourself get stuck. You are capable of so much more, and you deserve to reach that full capability. Don’t settle for less.
12) Reflect, don’t regret. Oh my god, this one’s so hard. SO HARD. I’ve started trying to adopt this as a semi-mantra recently, as the sheer amount of mentally beating myself up I’ve done should be illegal. The things that have happened in the past aren’t changing, but the person you are today is. It’s okay to have moments of your life that are a little embarrassing; it’s okay to have moments that you aren’t exactly proud of. We’re all flawed, so both are inevitable. But please don’t let the pervasive woulda-coulda-shoulda affect you, too. Looking back in that manner almost makes us more likely to repeat the mistake, as we’re so busy concerning ourselves with regret that we don’t realize we’re doing something just as toxic. And beating yourself up is never beneficial to your health. Let yourself look back on what’s happened with reflection, not regret; learn from it, but don’t run from it. Rafiki was most definitely right on that account (what up, Disney fans). And believe me, I’m right there with you. Let’s do it together.
11) The path is not linear. I’ve been slapped across the face with this one the past couple of years. For those of you who may not know, I suffered a severe hip injury in 2017 that led to me taking a wellness year; it was a time of intense physical pain and mental strife. Within that year, and from returning to my conservatory, I’ve learned a lot about myself. I’ve discovered that the path I was on, the one I had followed so diligently since I was around thirteen years old, was not the one I should be. From the visceral, physical block thrown into the situation, I was able to figure out what my mind had been trying to tell me. And that has been one of the hardest things in my life to come to terms with. I’ve always been driven and ambitious; I’ve always been a planner, and someone who will see something through to the end; I’ve always been pretty damn stubborn, too. I thought, for the longest time, that life had a pattern, that you had to stick to what you had chosen, or you had failed. But, like I said before, life isn’t like that. Life isn’t linear. No one is climbing the same mountain, no one is hiking the same path. There is no right way to do this thing. I felt so much shame during that year: I felt like a failure, like an imposter, like I was wrong. I still fight feelings of shame now: that demon’s a hard one to kill. However, I feel more freedom, more relief, knowing that I’ve found the right path now. The right path for now, for me. I hope you feel the same about yourself.
10) Talk it out. Please do this. Please, please do this. Don’t bottle everything inside until you explode. I’ve done that more times than I can count; I’m the mom friend of the group, an empath who wants so desperately to take care of others and not be a burden, so I’ve been there. I’ve learned that the best thing to do is to talk about it. Writing it down helps, too, but nothing compares to talking it through with someone you trust. And on that note…
9) Therapy is a lifesaver. I’ve been in therapy for a few years now (shoutout to my therapists in NE and NY- you both rock), and it has been unbelievably helpful. They’ve helped me develop healthier coping mechanisms, of course, but that hasn’t been the biggest thing. The most helpful thing I’ve found about therapy is that it’s place of listening. You will absolutely be heard, and in the warmest of ways. There is nothing shameful about that. Therapy is medicine for your mind; I’m a huge proponent of everyone going at some point, especially during unbalanced times like these. Find a therapist that you love, someone who gets you. It is a decision that benefits everyone. Truly.
8) Say “yes.” As you know from reading my blog, I have a panic disorder. That means that my brain constantly wants to look at the worst possible scenario, and inform me of it in vivid detail. I’m wary of everything. I tend to overanalyze a lot. However, weirdly enough, I’ve found that one of the best ways to combat it is to say “yes.” Accepting the opportunities that present themselves has helped quell the fear. In addition, who knows what may come of doing that? Something wonderful, perhaps. I said “yes” to joining the speech team in high school, almost quit the first day, then came back and met the coaches who helped me get into my number one college. I said “yes” to getting back onstage with a small little play in my hometown, and I met the love of my life. I said “yes” to coming back to a conservatory I had left for a year, and ended up discovering where I wanted to go afterwards. “Yes” is a wondrous word. Use it. :)
7) Learn to say “no.” You know what else is a wondrous word? “No.” This one, though, is used to care for yourself. Learn to say “no” to things that are toxic. You don’t have to help every person that comes to you: you’re not their therapist, or their parent, or their caretaker. You cannot take all of that on, as it will break your back eventually. Believe me, I’ve been there, and I know. One person cannot provide for everyone all at once; one person cannot hold everything together. In that case, you can say “no.” Say “no” to toxicity. Take care of yourself.
6) Forgive, don’t forget. Truly one of my favorite sayings. I put this one in last year’s blog post, so I’m going to just copy/paste from that one. Call it cheating, but my thoughts remain the same. ;) This one could be controversial as hell, and I know that. But I really don’t like the phrase “forgive and forget.” Really don’t like it. Forgiveness is important, as holding negativity and anger is only hurting you, not the one that wronged you. We should always find a way to forgive, a way to see things from the other person’s perspective; it’s not only informative and a way to resolve things, but healthy for you, too. However, I don’t think we should forget whatever that other person or group of people did. Forgetting, in my mind, means letting yourself get duped again. It means letting people get away with something they shouldn’t have, rather than both people (or groups of people) learning from it. Someone who has done something wrong should know that it’s wrong, and shouldn’t do it again. Similarly, you shouldn’t let yourself get hurt in the exact same way again. Forgive them, yes (I’m a huge proponent of that), but I don’t think you should forget it. File it away in life experience, and be able to move on that way.
5) You are more than what you think. As Christopher Robin says, “You are braver than you believe, and stronger than you seem, and smarter than you think.” Believe me, friend, you are always more than what you think. You are more prepared, more courageous, more talented, more beautiful, more loved, more worthy than you could ever realize. So realize just that. No matter what your own mind may be telling you, you’re better. I promise.
4) Let yourself feel. If what theatre school has taught could be wrapped up in one bullet point, it would probably be this one. There is no shame in emotions or in vulnerability. Your feelings are valid. You can acknowledge them. Let yourself be sad, or angry, or ecstatic, or anxious without judgement. It doesn’t matter how irrational it may seem: it’s human, and that validates everything. You’ll never get past the emotion without first giving it its due. Feeling makes us the beautifully flawed creatures we are. Let yourself do it. Let yourself feel.
3) Listen. Both to others and to yourself. Hear what each has to say, and respond in kind. You gain more, learn more, feel more that way.
2) Trust. Find a way to trust yourself, to trust others, to trust that everything will be okay. I’ve struggled with this in the past, and I still find that trust doesn’t come inherently to me. That’s okay. Just start to tell yourself that trusting is alright. There are good people out there; you’re one of them, in fact. Put faith in that, and the trust will come.
1) Breathe. Because, though I hate to spoil the ending, it will all turn out just fine.
Thank you for reading, as always. Have a wonderful day!
(And I hope you enjoyed baby-to-high-school Rhi!)
~Rhiannon~
