Hey, everybody! I hope your day has been marvelous. Today, I’m sticking with a birthday tradition I’ve had for the past two years, writing down the lessons I’ve learned through my life thus far. A little less than a month ago, on August 31st, I turned 20. I still don’t think I’ve fully absorbed the fact that I’m out of my teenage years; it’s so weird to think about, since a 20th birthday feels like it should carry a lot of weight, right? It’s marking a transition, almost. For me, there’s been a lot of upheaval in my life (in various ways) the past few years, and especially within the last month. That’s why this is coming to you so late. Regardless, I just wanted to share a few tidbits of wisdom that have been given to me: some are lighthearted, some aren’t, but I find all to be so, so important. Please, enjoy. And let me know what pieces of advice you have, or what you’ve learned!
20) When it doubt, hygge it out. I. Love. Hygge. If you’re unfamiliar with the word, it’s a Danish term (popularly pronounced hoo-gah), used to describe more of an abstract idea than anything else. It’s a feeling of safety, of calm, of contentment, of being at peace with both yourself and what is surrounding you. Oftentimes, the atmosphere of hygge is described as “the key to happiness.” It’s wearing fuzzy socks whilst sipping tea and reading a book. It’s watching your favorite movie, cuddled up under a warm blanket in comfy clothes. It’s lighting a scented candle and petting your dog while rain patters against your window. Whatever makes you calm and happy, that is what hygge is. It can always make you feel better. So, whenever I’m feeling stressed, I’ll put on my favorite sweatshirt, make some warm tea, and read a book or watch a period drama. Even right now, I have a pumpkin candle lit and a fresh cup of Earl Grey beside me as I write this. It’s rather peaceful. So, if you’re feeling overwhelmed, go ahead: hygge it out. :)
19) Dance more. Just let yourself go. Flail your arms, jump sporadically, do some Rockette kicks, or Fortnite dances, or Swan Lake fouettés…just be yourself, unapologetically in your body. That freedom of self-expression will make you feel so good, I promise. Fire up that music!
18) A good playlist will always be essential. Speaking of music…I’ve always been someone whose mood and imagination is altered by what I’m listening to. Music has the power to affect change in your personality, in your surroundings, and, frankly, even in your world. A good playlist, I find, can almost always be the answer. Get your happy tunes, your sad blues, your road trip rock ‘n’ roll, the songs that make you laugh, that inspire you, that have yell-worthy lyrics…anything. Create your own life soundtrack, and bop along to its beat. It’s catharsis and self-love all in one.
17) Comfort foods are the bomb. Seriously. Now, I’m not saying go out and gorge yourself on mac-n-cheese, but knowing what foods make you feel great is important. I can’t tell you the amount of times that a package of Gushers has gotten me through long essays, or Dorothy Lynch dressing got me through homesickness. I love potatoes (of pretty much any kind – where are my potato people at?), and fried pickles, and pumpkin bars, and apple cider, and I have a sweet tooth to be reckoned with. When I desperately need something to help, sometimes I’ll turn to these guys. Treat yourself: you deserve it.
16) Tea makes everything better. I think this one is pretty self-explanatory. Tea is a hug in a cup, a pep talk in a mug, and a smile in a bag. All of the tea, all of the time. Thank you and good night. :)
15) Travel will never be a regret. I wish I could travel more. I really do. There are so many places on my bucket list to visit—the Grand Canyon, Boston, Amsterdam, Giverny, Germany, Bulgaria, Lithuania, Angkor, Rome, Ireland, back to the UK, to name a few—and I’m aiming to make it to them someday. However, I’ve traveled enough to know this: it will always be a highlight. Traveling expands your knowledge not only of people and culture, but of yourself. You have to respect and trust both yourself and others to be a good traveler, and you’ll have the best experiences because of it. There’s something so stunning about seeing other people’s histories, foods, traditions, and languages. I may have only been out of the United States twice in my life (see below for London at age 14), but I’ve been to enough places even around here to know that to be true. If you have an opportunity to travel, go. Just go. It will never hinder, only help.
14) Courage does not equal fearlessness. Many a more eloquent speaker than me has said this, but I just want to reiterate it. It can’t be said enough. Courage is not defined by being unafraid; it’s defined by doing what you know you must, even if you’re scared. It’s going on that foreign exchange, or moving to that new city. It’s accepting that new job, or going on that first date. It’s standing up for what you believe in, and it’s having the ability to admit that you were wrong. As FDR said far better than me, “Courage is not the absence of fear, but rather the assessment that something else is more important than fear.” We would all do well to remember that, I think.
13) Ignorance does not equal bliss. I know how the saying goes; I think we all do. And although the not knowing isn’t usually our fault, refusing to do anything about it is. Whenever we ignore how things really are, they only get worse; educating yourself—whether it’s via reading or practical experience—is so ridiculously important. Full-on ignorance leads to hurt, misunderstanding, embarrassment, and unfounded fear. Combat that. Learn about everything you can: it’s usually fun, if you do it in the right way for you! :)
12) Treasure your teachers. They could be your parents, your professors, your neighbors, friends, colleagues…anyone can be a mentor, really. Treasure them. We owe a lot of who we are to our teachers. I have so many beloved high school teachers, college professors, past directors, and past voice teachers who I still keep in touch with, and whose opinions are so valuable to me. Those who mentor us help make us who we are. Be grateful for that.
11) Know your support system. This is crucial, y’all. Having people to count on (and knowing that you can count on them), makes a huge difference in your life. You shouldn’t have to carry the world on your shoulders. Having someone there to remind you of that, and to help you through tough times, makes going through this crazy thing called life a lot easier. Having someone to fall back on or to vent to is essential: it keeps you both healthy and happy. Almost more important is knowing that you have people you can trust. There’s nothing wrong about cutting toxic people out of your life: don’t let yourself be taken advantage of. I’ve learned that lesson one too many times already (I mean, come on, I’m only twenty: really, world?). Don’t be afraid to put yourself first, and don’t be afraid to lean on others. You and your squad have got this!
10) Family is everything. And this doesn’t necessarily mean blood family. I’m lucky enough to have an incredibly supportive family; I’m close to my parents, grandparents, and brother and sister. They’re most of my support system. However, I’m a big believer in the more inclusive definition of family: we get to choose who is a part of it. I’d consider some of my best friends to be members of my family; I think we all do. These people are the ones who are supportive and loving, people whom (sorry – the academic in me) you always have such a dang good time with. If everything else would come crashing down in the world today, they’d still be there. Keep those people close to you: you need each other. :)
9) Forgive, but don’t forget. This one could be controversial as hell, and I know that. But I really don’t like the phrase “forgive and forget.” Really don’t like it. Forgiveness is important, as holding negativity and anger is only hurting you, not the one that wronged you. We should always find a way to forgive, a way to see things from the other person’s perspective; it’s not only informative and a way to resolve things, but healthy for you, too. However, I don’t think we should forget whatever that other person or group of people did. Forgetting, in my mind, means letting yourself get duped again. It means letting people get away with something they shouldn’t have, rather than both people (or groups of people) learning from it. Someone who has done something wrong should know that it’s wrong, and shouldn’t do it again. Similarly, you shouldn’t let yourself get hurt in the exact same way again. Forgive them, yes (I’m a huge proponent of that), but I don’t think you should forget it. File it away in life experience, and be able to move on that way.
8) Sometimes you won’t be okay, and that’s okay. The first step to healing is to understand that feeling awful sometimes is completely normal. You’re not alone in that, and you will get through it. It is okay to have moments of not being okay. Berating yourself for that will only make it worse. We’re all human. We’re not going to be fantastic all the time. And that’s okay.
7) Vulnerability is not something to be ashamed of. I hate crying in front of people. I hate asking people for help. I’ve always struggled with this, and I likely always will. I know this about myself. However, I learned something in drama school that I’ll carry with me always, and that is the power of vulnerability. Being uncertain, scared, or sad, or feeling like you have no freaking clue what you’re doing, is nothing to ashamed of. There’s real power in allowing other people to see that side of you. It means that you are comfortable enough in yourself to admit to weakness, and to work to improve it. I would know: the amount of times I cried in class (either reaching a breakthrough or working through some tough stuff myself; the school didn’t make me cry, I promise :)) taught me that. Though I still hate crying in front of people, and I’m still not particularly great at asking for help, I know that human emotion is nothing to be ashamed of. It’s normal, and it helps us see where we need to go from here.
6) Don’t feel selfish about self-care. Say it with me: THERE IS NOTHING SELFISH ABOUT TAKING CARE OF YOURSELF. If you need a night in to do some hygge-ing, but you have to cancel a pizza-and-movie date with your friend, do it. If your mind is spinning and you just need a bubble bath, but you have to rain check a study session, do it. I’m not saying be a fickle person; by all means, be reliable. But make sure you’re your best self first. Altruism is great, but, as RuPaul said on the Emmys the other day, “If you don’t love yourself, how in the hell are you gonna love somebody else?”
5) Be proud of your passions. Don’t be ashamed of telling people about the things you love. If your eyes light up with excitement when you talk about it, then it’s something that needs to be talked about. Whether it’s comic books or classic novels, sci-fi movies or rom-coms, geology or sociology…if you love it, then the people around you should want to hear about it. Don’t be ashamed of your own intellect or your own enthusiasm (I’m @-ing myself here, too, for the record). Your passions are your passions for a reason. Talk about them. Nerd out, my friend. :)
4) There are multiple paths to the same destination. My Uncle Scott said this close to the time of my birthday, and I loved it. I thought I’d share, because it is so poignant and relatable. No one’s journey is the same. There’s no use in pretending that anyone’s is. Take your own path, and take it courageously. You’ll get there. We’ll get there. I promise.
3) You are stronger than you think you are. Again, far more eloquent people than I have said this, so I won’t beat it into the ground. But it’s true. Human beings are resilient, resourceful creatures. If your ancestors made it through years of terrible things, then, hey, so can you. You’ve got this.
2) You. Are. Worthy. Each one of us is worthy of love, happiness, and success. We all have our own talents and faults, our own thoughts and ideas. Tell this to yourself as many times as you need to believe it. If it feels like a lie at first, keep telling yourself. I’m telling you right now. Because it’s true. We’re all worthy, and so are you. (Not to ruin the moment, but that sounded vaguely like a Dr. Seuss rhyme, and I’m self-fiving right now.)
1) Breathe. Inhale. Exhale. It’s all going to be okay.
Thank you for reading (and I hope you enjoyed the somewhat-cringey photos)! Have a great day!
~Rhiannon~