The Value in the Path

Image not my own. Credit: QuoteFancy.

Hello, hello, hello! I hope you all are doing well this fine day, whatever time it may be where you are. Today, I want to talk about something that is a constant struggle for me, personally, and one that a friend and I talked about recently, over bakery items and tea after seeing Deadpool 2 (shout out to you, Lucy!). After having that discussion with her, this has been rekindled and fresh in my mind; that is: comparing your journey to someone else’s, and inevitably feeling very inadequate and insecure about your own.

I do this constantly. Like, so often that it’s unhealthy. It’s bad. Therefore, this post will be as therapeutic and helpful for me as I hope it may be for you. In fact, though I always organize a few general points to cover, it’s gonna be a little journalistic: some word vomit, if you prefer (sorry, Mom. I know you hate that word). So, excuse me if this gets a little rambly at times. There’s just a lot of thoughts to go on the page…er, Internet.

Firstly, it’s important to know this is something that we all do. Every single one of us, no matter what stage of life we’re at or what journey we’re encountering, has looked at another person’s life and thought, God. Why isn’t that me? Why are they so much better at this than I am? Am I doing something wrong? It’s ridiculous. It’s totally illogical, which we probably all know. It makes no sense. To be honest, it’s a little stupid of us to do something so unbelievably harmful to our mental state and so, so false. There is nothing about any of those thoughts that is true. You—we—aren’t doing anything wrong.

Still, it happens all the time, and it’s so hard to disconnect from. Believe me, I get it. So often, I look at the people surrounding me, people who I adore as humans, and feel a sense of envy and insecurity come up. While I’m happy for and so proud of these fantastic human beings for accomplishing amazing things, I can’t help but feel like I’m falling behind. Like I’m somehow running out of time, or aren’t good enough, or aren’t going to make it to where I should be. I understand that feeling well.

But here’s the thing: we are all just human beings trying to live our lives the best we can. We are all on our own timeline. None of us are any better or worse than another. This timeline that you are on is perfect for you. You are your own individual person, making your own individual discoveries, and, no matter how long it takes, it’s all happening in perfect time. You can think of it in whatever way you want to: God, fate, spirits, mother nature, whatever you believe in. If that helps you, think of it that way. This timeline that we are on is slightly preset in terms of what we need to learn and when. Something out there has decided that there are obstacles we need to face, and that, sometimes, our balance needs to be shifted.

Jen Sincero describes this well in You Are a Badass: basically, she writes that whenever you take a step in the right direction, the universe is gonna try to push back at you. There will be setbacks thrown in your way because the universe is freaking out, seeing someone starting to succeed. The thing we have to do is work through them; we have to see that, because something is pushing back at us, we are headed in the right direction. It’s kinda like that millennial/Gen Z saying: “If I have haters, I know I’m doing something right.” :) Eventually, you will be exactly where you want to be, living the life you want, if you follow these obstacles and your own flawlessly designed timeline.

See these things as a learning experience. Again, I get it: doing this is SO FREAKING HARD. There has been many a time when I’ve wondered, “Seriously? I worked ten times harder than them. Why did they get it instead?” or I’ve thought, “This is a sign. This is a sign from the universe that I shouldn’t be doing this. I should quit.” Letting yourself learn through disappointment, and envy, and rejection, and hurt is hard. But it must be done. Like Sincero said, it means you’re moving in the direction you should be. Let yourself glean something from every disappointment: okay, I should take more tap classes, or well, I guess I need to learn how to budget better. Find the positives in the negatives; work that mental muscle. Mine still isn’t strong enough yet. I still have to consciously remind myself, on occasion, to find something positive in a painful situation. I’ve been working on this for quite some time. It takes a while. However, you will feel yourself getting better at it: I know I am.

Finally, I just want to remind myself and you about that person who we see as being at “the top.” The CEO of a company, the Oscar-winning actor, the world-traveling freelancer, the Grammy-winning singer…all these people likely still have their moments of looking at someone else and saying, “I wish I was as good as them.” We all have our own human flaws, things that we aren’t good at. Maybe that CEO wishes she could paint. Maybe that singer wishes he could climb a mountain. I don’t know. But they, too, have their moments. They’re human, too, and it’s worth it to remember that. The trick with them (or the best ones, I should say) is that they know how to come back to being satisfied and happy in their lives, acknowledging where they need to improve, but also celebrating their own accomplishments. We can do that, too. We need to, actually. Each of us has something we excel at; usually, it’s more than one thing. Celebrate that. Enjoy it. There isn’t arrogance is knowing that you’re good at something: be humble, but know that you’re good.

I’m right there beside you. I am working my way through this, too. I’m working towards not comparing myself, towards healthy acknowledgement of my talents and faults. Towards being okay with this timeline. Towards knowing that I will make it someday, as long as I keep moving along with this ebb and flow of obstacles and successes. The balance will come.

There’s something to remember right there: as long as you are moving, you are doing well. A baby step still travels forward.

As always, thank you for reading! Have a marvelous day!

~Rhiannon~

Image not my own. Credit: Pinterest.

Before You Go…Some Fun Stuff!

1) “Soccer” actually has its origins in England. The word is derived from “Football Association,” made up to distinguish “rugby football” from “football;” the shortening to “soccer” is similar to using “rugger” to describe a rugby player. “Soccer” and “football” were interchangeable in England for quite some time, and the former word became popular after World War II, likely due to the number of American soldiers residing in Europe at the time. The word petered off in the 1980s: several linguists believe this to be because the word became too Americanized, and Great Britain needed to distinguish itself from the USA. Interesting, huh?

2) There are over 1120 major Marvel characters within the comic book and cinematic universes. This I learned from a Buzzfeed quiz, trying to name as many as possible in five minutes: I got 44. Not bad, I think? See how many you can remember! :)

3) Glenda Jackson is being added to my list of favorite actors. I’m a little ashamed I haven’t discovered her before now, and I wish I would have had the chance to see Three Tall Women before leaving New York for the summer. I just read the play, and it is both vaguely metaphysical and brilliant. I would have loved to see Jackson and Laurie Metcalf in their respective roles.